Cinemas, 'Massage' and 'Breez'

Hey there. How did your day go? I am hoping it was alright.
I have been relatively new to Twitter. Had never really had a need for it till recently especially as it's one of the 'in' things now and ever since I joined it, I had been addicted. Addicted is probably too strong a word to describe the phase I am going through now but it has been really cool especially if you are following the right people.
Anyways, I discovered a new favorite account today. #drumroll The Sub Delivery Man. I usually saw their tweets been re-tweeted on my timeline but I usually just scrolled past it. This afternoon I saw it again and out of curiosity and boredom decided to check them out. I just kept scrolling and laughing till I got hooked. I continued scrolling till when I came across this tweet containing this hilarious story.
The rat dropping from ceiling story. It was so funny I was really rolling on the floor laughing a.k.a rotfl. Here's the story.
Now it's quite essential you read the complete story and come back before you can get a hang of what I am saying. So just take a few seconds and check it out then come back here.
It wasn't even the rat dropping part that got me laughing. It was the description of the lady. How can someone's eyebrows be "thick like the evil forest"? Plus the ponmo lips and quarter-past four eyes statement. Burst my brain! Chai na person pikin somebody finish just like that.
Also, shout out to that old man that brought a girl to the cinema just to suck breez. No be say im carry am go hotel, na cinema im come suck 'breez'. Get a room grandpa! Shey his wife would be thinking her husband is busy doing better work not knowing that he's busy sucking breez of someone that is old enough to be his grandchild.
That brother too is funny sha. Uncle how can you just allow a random stranger you don't know (note random stranger not date) 'massage' you down there a
t the cinema? Na so the konji hook you reach? The guy sef come begin dey press breez join. He doesn't know whether that girl na winch wey go just dry all im future pikin commot from that thing. Later he go come talk say na im village pipo dey pursue am meanwhile na breez im dey press for inside cinema when the thing happen. Chai. Smh. Shaking my head.
Anyways, I just want tell una that eez not good o. People actually come to the cinemas to watch movies. If some people now decide to entertain us with other "material" what fun is it then coming to the cinema? We didn't pay to watch you making out. It's gross so stop am abeg. Don't come to the cinema to get 'massaged' or press 'breez' na film we come watch. Ehn I have told you o.